I'll take the root canal, please

D, as we all know, is a man of few words. Not because he has nothing to say. But, because he fancies himself a minimalist.

Don't get me wrong... he is the smartest, funniest, most creative guy I've known since grad school... Most of those days, under the influence of a beer or two, he was unstoppable with his commentaries on politics and science and policies and world peace and designing new submarines and such.

However, when completely sober and dry, with his mind sharp as a tack, brimming with grand thoughts, he prefers to let loose only about a few words an hour. I knew that side of him and accepted it as it outweighed all the other good qualities he has.

Well, turns out, that while I am at peace with this side of his nature, it does lead to some frustrating moments in daily life unless I learn to curb my curiosity or learn to play 20 Questions :-)

For instance, we were getting ready to go visit his dad - about an hour's drive away. We got in the car (this was before Baby arrived) and he pulled out of the driveway. Noting that we were not going in the general direction of the highway we needed to take, here is what ensued:

Me: Aren't we going to dad's?
D: Yes.
Me: I thought so. But why are we going this way instead of that?
D: I need to make a stop.
Me: Oh, for gas? the tank's full, looks like... are we stopping at a store?
D: Yes.
Me: Which store?
D: Freddie's maybe...
Me: Oh. What for?
D: To get something for my dad.
Me: Like what? Food? Gift?
D: I don't know yet.
Me: Oh. if we are going to shop around, I need to pick up a few things as well.
D: No. Let's do that later.
(By now we had pulled up at the parking lot of the store. We go in - he goes straight for the beer aisle while I just hang around the produce section by the checkout. He comes back with a few six packs of beer and I meet him at the checkout)
Me: Hm. We are taking beer for your dad?
D: Yes.
Me: Why didn't you tell me when I asked you?
D: I didn't know then.

And that's the truth. He was never snapping at me or acting irritable. He just gave the simplest most direct answers to my questions without volunteering any extra information!

That's the minimalist side of him that I am still learning to accept.

In my mind, as we are pulling out of the driveway, I would expect a, "We'll stop at Freddie's to get something for my dad and then head out" or something to that effect instead of having to play this 20 Questions, or simply accept the mystery and wait for it to resolve itself...

Moments such as these is when I want to scream, "I'll take the root canal, please"!

But, he doesn't do it to annoy me. He is that way with his parents too. My mum-in-law says he has been that way since a teenager.

When we need to discuss important things, he is generally very attentive, and gives his invaluable input. At those times, I am grateful for the concise and succinct way in which he puts his thoughts across in words.

On thinking a lot about this for about half-a-dozen years now, I realize that I wouldn't really want to try to change him (as if that were possible!). I mean, I would fight tooth-and-nail if he picks something about me that he wants to change. And, it is true that neither of us is perfect - we'd be boring if it were so - and in many ways that I care about, I truly believe D is a better human being than I am.

From what I gather, apparently the feeling is reciprocal, and I guess that's all that matters.

obmutescence

While I am not quite the chatterbox, I do enjoy hearing my non-mommy voice articulating in full sentences, tossing potentially-thought-provoking ideas to D, the only other adult in the household.

Now D, as we all know, measures his words, measures them twice, and then decides not to squander them away after all. It can get hauntingly quiet in our house when it is just the two grown-ups in it, unless I try to do something about it...

The trick, I read (nevermind where), was to pick something so far from the truth and deliver it with a hurt and accusatory tone that the party of the second part cannot ignore.

And thus, they say, the party of the first part is guaranteed a response from the usually-mild-mannered-and-generally-gentlemanly party of the second part.

Armed with this secret knowledge, and never the easy quitter, I valiantly attempt evoking a response, even a biting, stinging response, but a response nonetheless, with blatantly inappropriate message thusly:

Me: Sometimes you are so callous and self-centered, it makes me want to scream.
D:
Me: Did you hear me? Do you have anything to say to it?
D: Oh. I thought you were talking to yourself.

So much for the so-called "Advice" - you get what you pay for...

And so much for trying to work myself up to a militant mood... Live and let be, that's what I am sticking to.

Silence is Golden they say, in which case our house is probably blindingly glittering most of the time...

he says, she says

D gets a couple of nights a week to do his own thing. So, he goes out and does his own thing. I stay home with Baby on those nights, playing with her, reading to her, get her in bed, and maybe read my book before I turn in.

Of course, by the same token, I get a couple of nights a week to do my own thing. I stay at home and do my own thing. I am not much of an outgoing person. Or rather, I haven't found any group activity I'd much rather be doing... yet. As a result, I stay home with Baby on those nights as well, playing with her, reading to her, get her in bed, and maybe read my book before I turn in.

Last week, D got back home, close to 11 p.m, from bowling in a new team for some bowling league. I was still awake. I am usually out by 9-ish... so, he didn't expect me to get chatty when he got in. But, chatty I got and it went something like this:

Me: how was your bowling today?
D: ok
Me: did you get a strike?
D: ya
Me: do they give you anything for it?
D: ya
Me: what did you get?
D: a ticket
Me: a ticket to what?
D: that i can cash in for beer
Me: did you? cash it in for beer?
D: yes
Me: oh. how many beers did you have?
D. a couple
Me: you sound like you've had about 5
D: something like that, ya.
Me: who else is in your team?
D: grunt
Me: anybody with interesting name?
D: grunt
Me: any women in your team?
D: grunt
Me: any of them married?
D:grunt
Me: do they have kids?
D:grunt
Me: probably not, because if they did, they'd be home with their babies while their husbands went bowling
D: go to sleep.

Now, if you don't know D, he is not the chatty kind. He is also not very good at volunteering trivial information that would satisfy my curiosity. He also likes to answer only about 3 questions in a row, anything more, he considers nagging!

Me on the other hand, I love to share such mundane info, and, if our roles were reversed, our chat would have gone something like this:

Me: hey, are you awake? want to tell you about my bowling tonight
D: yaawwnn, am sure it was fine
Me: so, we have this team, right? six of us, 3 guys, 3 gals - there's Tom, Dick and Harry, then, there's Jane, Dawn and me... Jane is married; Dawn is dating this guy, but, he doesn't like bowling; Tom's wife apparently went to U of O where we went.. well, Dick and Harry are the quiet type but they bowl really well, i can get a few pointers from them... are you still awake?
D: grunt
Me: anyway, i got a strike!!! i got this ticket that i could exchange for beer, but, since i didn't want another beer, i gave it to Tom; Tom has two boys it seems - 3 and 5, I forgot their names - will ask him again next week. Jane and Dawn don't have any kids yet; they said they'd like to meet Baby.... heyyy, stop snoring! you know how it keeps me up when you snore!

Alright, I have to be honest: I am not hung up on trivia. I just like to know more about people I hang out with. And, I'd like to know more about people D hangs out with. And, certainly, would like to know A LOT about people my wee one will hang out with!

I also like to recount the whole story, give the full report. Oh, I do leave out what *I* consider trivial details... like, what clothes they were wearing, or what the score was etc.

I'd rather not speak in monosyllables and one-word-sentences unless explicitly required to :)